Will Garth's new main man be a Maine man?

OK, so Ted Nolan is out at the Mausoleum, and the Islanders need a new coach.

Let's deal with the first half of the statement: Supposedly, the issue was that Garth Snow thought the Isles were underachieving, and Ted didn't think he had enough talent to work with. Much as I'm no fan of Ted Nolan, I think it's pretty obvious who wins that argument.

Now, as for who gets the job. Write this down: John Tortorella.

Unlike Ted Nolan, who has shenanigans on his résumé involving the University of Maine (remember the Simon Danis-Pepin affair when Ted was at Moncton?), John actually went to the University of Maine, like Garth Snow. It also helps that Torts has a Stanley Cup on his résumé. I also think it's kind of funny that Ted didn't get pushed out the door on the Island until Torts was fired by Tampa.

It's a fairly obvious move for the Isles, but is it the right move? Torts isn't known for his patience with his players, and with a young lineup, whoever takes the reins on the Island will need a lot of patience. Bob Hartley, late of the Thrashers, may be a more natural choice, having both a Calder Cup and a Stanley Cup to his name with the Hershey Bears and the Avalanche, respectively.

Still, I think the Old (Orono) Boys Network is going to make it happen on the Island.

And since I brought up Simon Danis-Pepin, let's finish up with talk about who is changing where he plays his amateur hockey: Patrick Wiercioch, who changed his commitment from Wisconsin to Denver. I really don't have much of a problem with this. For him to be able to play at Wisconsin would involve putting off his college hockey, and probably, by extension, his pro career. Given the potential for injury in the sport, there's a limit to the amount of waiting that a young prospect should do at the junior level, where you're not getting your college education and you're not getting paid. If Wiercioch is ready now to play college hockey, he should be playing, and Mike Eaves should understand that. And if he's going to go someplace else, I'm glad that it's Denver, where they had a tough situation with David Carle.

And by the way, speaking of Carle, I love the new Lightning owner Oren Koules...good guy for drafting David Carle, and I think it was cool that the Lightning traded for Matt. And of course, I'm happy to see Barry Melrose back behind the bench.

Finally, a fond farewell to Ryan Hollweg, traded to the Maple Leafs, where he could resume his fine chemistry with Dominic Moore (recall the OHM line with Jed Ortmeyer in 2005-06), in exchange for a fifth-round pick. With the additions of Dan Fritsche, Pat Rissmiller, and Aaron Voros, not to mention the potential return of Brendan Shanahan (who's best suited to a third/fourth line role at this point in his career, plus special teams time), something had to give, and Hollweg, with his tendency for taking bad penalties, was the obvious choice. That said, I'll miss "Hollywood," with his personality and style (check out his pics from the Rangers' Casino Night), and I'll always remember that when the Canucks came to the Garden in December '05, he was the one who stepped up and fought that worthless scumbag Todd Bertuzzi. His brother, Bryce, is moving on after completing his career at Army, and Ryan is now moving on, too. So long, Hollywood, and thanks for the memories.

Uh Oh...

With the 40th pick in the 2008 NHL Entry Draft, the New York Islanders select Aaron Ness.

Something tells me that Don Lucia will be adding Just For Men to his list of hair care products.

Guys Who Aren't Well-Liked

Memo to Chris Simon: Don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out of the country. Now if only we could find a way to exile Jesse Boulerice and Steve Downie to Siberia as well (and yes, I know that it's actually Avangard Omsk that's in Siberia). I, for one, will still be chanting "Simon sucks" instead of "Potvin sucks" when the whistles start up at the Garden (I've always thought it better to yell about someone who actually did something dirty).

Speaking of the Garden, one of its most controversial denizens - for hockey, anyway - Sean Avery is now in his second week as an intern at Vogue. There have been a few news items about this, although the best comes from a publication that I probably won't ever link to from this blog again - Women's Wear Daily.

Personally, I wonder whether Avery's presence in New York this summer increases his chances of re-signing with the Rangers. Personally, I want him back in blue this fall. I think his presence really helps the Rangers, of course, but you don't have to be a genius to figure that out, just look at the team's record with and without him since the trade.

That said, I think Sean Avery is one of the most fascinating athletes to hit New York in some time. I mean, seriously. He's not just the guy who gets under opponents' skin. He's also the guy who challenges his teammates when they don't hold up their end (see his fight in practice with Marek MaWEAK this season). He's the guy who has significant passions outside sports (like Ricky Williams without the pot). He's the guy who transcends sports into society circles. And yes, he's the guy who takes an internship at Vogue.

In the end, though, Avery is mainly the guy that half the NHL wants to kill, because, by all accounts, he's an ass. Now, I won't deny that, having seen him breeze through a crowd of post-game autograph seekers outside the Garden, when Brendan Shanahan stopped and signed for everyone (I myself have three Shanahan autographs from this season: a ticket, my Rangers hat, and a puck from the '99 All Star Game).

All that said, though, if Sean Avery is an ass, he's like Jennifer Lopez's rear end: always attached to a beautiful woman, usually covered by something from a top designer, impossible to ignore, and a major asset to the complete package.

Ideally, I'd end things there, but I feel as if I'd ought to weigh in on the current issue surrounding Don Lucia. Patrick Reusse of the Minneapolis Star-Tribune isn't drinking the Kool-Aid when it comes to Mike Guentzel's resignation, and implies that Guentzel is gone because someone had to take the fall for Minnesota's disappointing season.

That may well be true. However, like Sean Avery and Jennifer Lopez's backside, I have to throw in a BIG "but(t)" here.

That the Gophers made the NCAA tournament this season may not impress the spoiled folks in the Twin Cities who are used to such things (I'd be thrilled for Dartmouth to have had Minnesota's season if it meant getting into the tournament, which the Big Green hasn't done since Bob Gaudet was in goal)...BUT, when you take into account that Minnesota lost a second-round pick (Ryan Stoa) in the second game of the season, lost Kyle Okposo to the pros over the Christmas break, and was without Mike Carman until after the World Juniors. making the NCAA tournament and losing to the eventual national champion is pretty darn impressive.

Can you blame Lucia for Okposo's departure? I don't think so. I think that Kyle wanted to turn pro last summer, and when he was told that he wasn't ready, he sulked being back at the U, especially with his good buddy Erik Johnson gone. If you take a look at his production in the AHL and in his late season call up to the Islanders, it suggests that Kyle's attitude was better suited to being a pro, and I'm not really sure how much Don could have done to change that.

Now, I'm not a huge Don Lucia guy. If you go back and look at my CSTV columns, you see a lot more of Red Berenson, Jack Parker, Jeff Jackson and George Gwozdecky, unless I'm specifically writing about Minnesota. All of that said, getting the Gophers to the tournament this year - especially when it involved winning a WCHA playoff series on the road - may have been his most impressive coaching job since winning his second national championship in 2003. After all, with the way Lucia is able to recruit, he usually has more difficulty getting his hair to look like that than he does making the NCAA tournament (come on, you know I hade to make a hair joke).

So yeah, maybe something needed to happen after last season - although, Jeff Frazee turning pro was good enough a "something," in my opinion - but to be honest, I really don't think Lucia and his staff did that bad a job last season.